Faith

I was reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge today, and I came across the following line: 

"Yet this is the world God has made---a world that requires us to live with risk. Because God wants us to live by faith."

Faith is something I've been thinking about a lot lately for a number of reasons. I've recently found myself on a couple sites/threads that have featured a lot of Christian vs. Atheist back and forth, which has been...interesting. I saw a number of arguments against Christianity ranging anywhere from "If God loved us, then why is there pain, hunger, hate, etc. in the world" to "the facts don't support it, and there are other better supported ancient documents that contradict Christianity". In my short time on this planet, I've learned that in a lot of cases, facts can be skewed to mean what you want them to. Statistics can be interpreted any number of ways, and they are rarely actually all that conclusive. As far as the other variety of argument, I don't claim to understand all that God does or why. God is the creator of the universe....who am I, one of his gazillion creations, to claim that I fully understand him? Doesn't it seem a bit egocentric and absurd to think that we would understand all that God does and his reasoning behind it? That's where faith comes in- I trust that God knows what's best for me. I trust that he will provide for me and that he'll be there when I need him most. I'll admit that my faith in his providing for me hasn't been tested much- I'm a CA who probably has too many clothes, a meal plan, and a really nice room. As a result I haven't really worried about what I'm going to eat, what I'm going to wear, and where I'm going to sleep at any point during my life. Come to think of it, there haven't been a lot of situations where I've had to depend on God to come through in my life. What does that have to say about my faith?

If I'm going to be honest, my life doesn't include a lot of risk. I pretty much go through the same routine every week without a lot of change, and I don't stray too far from my comfort zone. I hate it. How little faith is that? Real faith is putting yourself in positions where God has to come through or you're in trouble. I don't mean testing God- I mean giving all that you are to God and trusting that he will work out the details. Sometimes it's easy to forget that anything is possible- that God likes to work seemingly bizarre ways that you would never suspect. Look at Jesus' disciples: fishermen, tax collectors, etc. Look at Paul- before he became a believer, he was a Pharisee persecuting Christians. Who in their right mind would have believed that Saul was going to change his name to Paul and not only stop persecuting Christians but join them and spread the gospel?. God likes to work in ways that we wouldn't suspect.

When it comes down to it, God wants us to take risks. He wants us to trust him. As some (if not all of you) know, I recently had a talk with a certain girl about my interest in pursuing her. At least in my mind, it was a pretty risky talk. Anytime you can get rejected, there's a risk involved, but if you sit back and watch every pitch, you'll never go anywhere. Men were not made to be stagnant, passive, hesitant creatures. I'm the first to admit that I've been all three of those, and it disgusts me. To quote Thoreau, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." Men were made to be wild, fierce, and passionate, but, too often, we sit back, wait, and let opportunities pass us by. We decide that the status quo is good enough, that there's no reason to rock the boat. So many guys need to step up and grow a pair.

Anyhow, I had the risky talk. I admit, it didn't go perfectly, and it definitely didn't go as planned, but I'm glad I initiated it. She's an awesome gal, and I'm excited to get to know her better (no matter the outcome.). It's in God's hands, and I have faith that God will guide me to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. 

Don't be afraid to take risks. Don't be afraid of getting hurt- often the greatest things in life are risky. Relationships aren't easy, and there aren't any guarantees, but there is also a lot of potential. There's the potential to be part of something greater than you could be by yourself, the potential for love, and the potential for life. 

On that note, I'm going to bed. I'll leave you with this drawing I was working on tonight. This is what I do when I think:
 

G'night all.

Attraction

So, there's this girl....she has a beautiful smile, she's incredibly nice, uncoordinated in the cutest possible way, and she absolutely takes my breath away. More importantly, I barely know her. I want to know her, but I don't right now. I wish it was a more uncommon story for me: meet girl, get to know girl a little bit, ask friends about girl, fall for girl, putz around, be awkward, start conversations and have nothing to say, try to impress girl and end up looking like a big dummy, waddle away with tail between legs, swear I learned my lesson, and then rinse and repeat.

I talked to my brother about relationships this Summer while I was going through a rough patch in the relationship I was in. One of the things he told me was that he had taken a long hard look at his relationships in the past, and he didn't like how many of them had "what if's" attached. My brother decided to go back and give some of these relationships a chance because he would rather know for sure than live with all those "what if's" surrounding him. I should let you know that my brother and I are very different in many ways- that's a pretty broad statement, right? Let me talk about a few: My brother is a social butterfly. I'm more of a wallflower. My brother graduated from Iowa State with an art degree. I will (most likely) graduate from Iowa State with a math degree. Robbie throws pots. I throw balls. Finally, and most relevant for this entry, my brother has dated a lot of girls. I've really dated one girl. In comparison with me, my brother is a dating expert. I swear, he could find a relationship with a clothes hanger, a tube sock, three strips of duct tape, two paper clips, and a magic marker. He is the Macgyver of dating.

Here's the important difference in my brother's dating style and my own. He. Goes. For. It. I sit back and wait. and wait. and.....wait. and then, if there's even a shred of a chance left, I make an awkward attempt and limp away with my tail between my legs. My brother is in the game while I'm still on the bench. Unfortunately, when it comes to girls and crushing, I have a lot of bad habits. I'm even going to number them...because I can.

1. I try to impress them. Pretty standard right? Guys are always trying to impress girls. The problem I run into is that every time I try to impress a girl, I end up looking like a know-it-all, a huge nerd, or something equally as attractive.
2. I try to make myself more attractive to them. I try to change myself so that they'll like me. This is probably the stupidest one of the list. If you want to date someone, they should probably like you for who you are, right? Right.
3. I talk to them on facebook chat. This one seems pretty silly, doesn't it? The problem is that I start talking to a girl, and then my mind goes totally and completely blank. I find that I have absolutely nothing interesting to say, and I become very afraid that I'm being "that guy" that you just wish would stop typing and go away. 
4. I over-analyze everything. Seriously. Everything. Every. Thing. All the things. All of them.
5. I get down on myself. For future reference, if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.

Ok, now that we have that incredibly encouraging list out of the way, let's take a look at how I would like to be: I'd like to be the kind of guy that has faith that if God desires you to date a certain girl, then it will happen. I'd like to have confidence, but not in myself- in the fact that God is with me and things will work out if they're meant to. I'd like to be more comfortable with who I am and who god made me to be. I'd like to seek courage, stop complaining, and ask a girl out instead of thinking about her 23/7(a guy's gotta sleep some time, right?). I'd like to pursue a girl; to put myself on the line and go all in. Basically, I want to be a Godly man and a Godly leader. Someone who isn't afraid of "no" and whose identity isn't founded on their relationship status or the number of girls you've gone out with.


Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to ask this girl out for coffee. I'm going to be comfortable in my own skin and confident that God will do as he desires. I will pay. I will walk her home, and if things go well, I will tell her that I'd like to see her again (as in a date; I actually run into her like three times a day). I'll do this because the alternative hasn't worked and it isn't good; here's a quote from Captivating that explains: "A passive man says,"God will not come through. He is not acting on your behalf."."
 Right before that qoute, it talks about how men were created to show their strength through action. When you are passive, you quit believing that God will come through.

I don't know who, if anyone, will read this, but I'll give you a clue as to identity of the girl I've been talking about.

CLUE #1: She has red hair.

That's all I'll say for now. If someone asks nicely, I might say more. If you're in a praying mood, please pray that God will give me wisdom and guidance in this area, and that he would make his will known. Pray that he would grow me in my faith and my boldness, that I would put myself in situations where I have to depend on God.

I'm tired and my bed is close

I've decided that I want to start each of my posts off with a song. I almost always have some band or song I'm jazzed about, so I might as well share it!

Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PElhV8z7I60
and: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjUX2LESOpM

I don't really care for either videos, but I've grown pretty fond of The XX. Their songs sound a lot simpler and have a sense of clarity that a lot of popular music doesn't seem to. Their lyrics aren't profound or really even very good in my opinion, but it's good music for playing in the background while doing homework or on the way to class.


However, since it's now 12:52 in the AM and I'm supposed to lift tomorrow morning at 7:00 AM, I'm going to bed.

Out Peace.

-Andrew

Perfection

There's a reason I'm not a good blogger. Well, actually, there are several. One of them has to do with the fact that I'm a perfectionist. It's something I inherited from my mom.

My mom is an incredible woman. She raised my brother and I without a lot of help from my dad, which is incredible in and of itself. However, that doesn't really have much to do with her perfectionism. My mom is an artist. Colored pencil and pen/ink are her mediums of choice, and she really knows how to make them sing. Anyhow, her artistic ability goes hand in hand with her attention to detail. As a result, she is never fully satisfied with her work; something I understand completely. Anyhow, this relates to my blogging because I'm never satisfied with what I write. I understand that blogging doesn't need to be perfect, profound, or even that well thought out, but I still want it to be. I want everything I do to be polished and air-tight.  No promises, but I'm going to work on it.

Another reason I'm not a very good blogger is because I'm terrible at telling stories and even worse about updating things. I always want to give a thousand background details so that whatever story makes sense, but I end up confusing them, losing them, getting sidetracked, or not even getting the point of the story across. There are people who are really gifted at making anything that happens to them interesting or funny- I'm not one of them.

Finally, I'm a bad blogger because I'm super self-conscious. I am more critical of myself than anyone, and I imagine other people judging me more harshly than probably ever would. I'm getting better about it, and one of the things that has helped me the most is realizing that in most cases, it really doesn't matter what other people think of me. When you're living your life for Christ and you take your worth from him, a lot of things stop mattering and it becomes a lot easier to do things that you usually wouldn't.

I know this post isn't very satisfying and pretty sad, but I'll probably post something tomorrow with an update on my life.

Out peace
-Andrew



p.s. My mom drew this :)
http://wcfcourier.com/image_c909bf8a-d45b-11de-ad7a-001cc4c03286.html