Attraction

So, there's this girl....she has a beautiful smile, she's incredibly nice, uncoordinated in the cutest possible way, and she absolutely takes my breath away. More importantly, I barely know her. I want to know her, but I don't right now. I wish it was a more uncommon story for me: meet girl, get to know girl a little bit, ask friends about girl, fall for girl, putz around, be awkward, start conversations and have nothing to say, try to impress girl and end up looking like a big dummy, waddle away with tail between legs, swear I learned my lesson, and then rinse and repeat.

I talked to my brother about relationships this Summer while I was going through a rough patch in the relationship I was in. One of the things he told me was that he had taken a long hard look at his relationships in the past, and he didn't like how many of them had "what if's" attached. My brother decided to go back and give some of these relationships a chance because he would rather know for sure than live with all those "what if's" surrounding him. I should let you know that my brother and I are very different in many ways- that's a pretty broad statement, right? Let me talk about a few: My brother is a social butterfly. I'm more of a wallflower. My brother graduated from Iowa State with an art degree. I will (most likely) graduate from Iowa State with a math degree. Robbie throws pots. I throw balls. Finally, and most relevant for this entry, my brother has dated a lot of girls. I've really dated one girl. In comparison with me, my brother is a dating expert. I swear, he could find a relationship with a clothes hanger, a tube sock, three strips of duct tape, two paper clips, and a magic marker. He is the Macgyver of dating.

Here's the important difference in my brother's dating style and my own. He. Goes. For. It. I sit back and wait. and wait. and.....wait. and then, if there's even a shred of a chance left, I make an awkward attempt and limp away with my tail between my legs. My brother is in the game while I'm still on the bench. Unfortunately, when it comes to girls and crushing, I have a lot of bad habits. I'm even going to number them...because I can.

1. I try to impress them. Pretty standard right? Guys are always trying to impress girls. The problem I run into is that every time I try to impress a girl, I end up looking like a know-it-all, a huge nerd, or something equally as attractive.
2. I try to make myself more attractive to them. I try to change myself so that they'll like me. This is probably the stupidest one of the list. If you want to date someone, they should probably like you for who you are, right? Right.
3. I talk to them on facebook chat. This one seems pretty silly, doesn't it? The problem is that I start talking to a girl, and then my mind goes totally and completely blank. I find that I have absolutely nothing interesting to say, and I become very afraid that I'm being "that guy" that you just wish would stop typing and go away. 
4. I over-analyze everything. Seriously. Everything. Every. Thing. All the things. All of them.
5. I get down on myself. For future reference, if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.

Ok, now that we have that incredibly encouraging list out of the way, let's take a look at how I would like to be: I'd like to be the kind of guy that has faith that if God desires you to date a certain girl, then it will happen. I'd like to have confidence, but not in myself- in the fact that God is with me and things will work out if they're meant to. I'd like to be more comfortable with who I am and who god made me to be. I'd like to seek courage, stop complaining, and ask a girl out instead of thinking about her 23/7(a guy's gotta sleep some time, right?). I'd like to pursue a girl; to put myself on the line and go all in. Basically, I want to be a Godly man and a Godly leader. Someone who isn't afraid of "no" and whose identity isn't founded on their relationship status or the number of girls you've gone out with.


Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to ask this girl out for coffee. I'm going to be comfortable in my own skin and confident that God will do as he desires. I will pay. I will walk her home, and if things go well, I will tell her that I'd like to see her again (as in a date; I actually run into her like three times a day). I'll do this because the alternative hasn't worked and it isn't good; here's a quote from Captivating that explains: "A passive man says,"God will not come through. He is not acting on your behalf."."
 Right before that qoute, it talks about how men were created to show their strength through action. When you are passive, you quit believing that God will come through.

I don't know who, if anyone, will read this, but I'll give you a clue as to identity of the girl I've been talking about.

CLUE #1: She has red hair.

That's all I'll say for now. If someone asks nicely, I might say more. If you're in a praying mood, please pray that God will give me wisdom and guidance in this area, and that he would make his will known. Pray that he would grow me in my faith and my boldness, that I would put myself in situations where I have to depend on God.